Denial, Our Greatest Foe


Some mornings the feeling of wanting to blend right in haunts me. It’s not that I want to lower my personal standard of who I know I am, it’s just that sometimes I desire the luxury limo service and dinner dates life has to offer, but over all I wouldn’t mind a simpler life. It’s a fine line between self betrayal and ‘eff ‘you! “You” being all the people who are unconscious to the struggles involved living in a society that is programmed to judge.

If I could step into a 3D printer and clone another me that was straight – I might try it, just to get a different take on the situation. It wouldn’t really be me, however just a cheap imitation, and one I doubt I could relate with for long. So I grapple, then come to peace. The peace comes quicker and more often these days, but I remember when I was a young person it was painfully elusive.

I am one of the fortunates who grew up in a loving home. My parents really had no clue what I was going through as a young child and into my adolescent years. For that matter, neither did I. Mother maybe had an inkling, but the denial overrode any outward expression of support or understanding. I was living in conflict every moment. It was tearing me up to deny my true nature -whatever that was. Then one day I decided I needed to talk. I was 14 when I couldn’t pretend any longer.

Many of you can probably relate to this snippet of my life story. I know, dear readers, that the world is a different place than even a few short years ago allowing us more freedom of expression, but it comes with a big BUT. I encourage us all to come back to the heart of the matter. Take a look at the satisfaction we’ve gained in so many areas that not long ago were hidden.

There is a good read entitled Allies and Angels: A Memoir Of Our Families Transition, written by Terri and Vince Cook. They tell the story of raising two children, a son and a daughter. It wasn’t until their youngest was fifteen that they realized that they had been raising two sons. Terri and Vince, became painfully aware of the difficulties that their second child was facing as she/he came to grips with the chaos constantly stirring inside him.

The Cooks started out confused, full of fear and ignorance. But love won out. As the story unfolds they found answers, and learned to put their emotional needs behind those of their daughter’s. Their little girl had been a boy all along. The initial discovery for Terri and Vince never thwarted the love and desire to help their child come into his own. Living uncharted territory for the Cook family became a daily eye-opening and heart warming experience as they supported and assisted in their teen’s transformation.

Limited beliefs still abound when it comes to transgenders. It will be a while before we are seamlessly integrated into society. Nothing changes overnight in a world that is fairly fear based. But with more information flooding the environment of previously closed minds, there is a crack of hope for all of us. To accept, is the first step in a several stage process, as much for ourselves as our straight counterparts.

In order to accept, one must first minimize fear. Fear will remain a component as long as there is denial. Fear is understandable – after all it’s a big and unpredictable world we live in. However, letting fear run us is the biggest obstacle to having the life we were born to live. Find your own standard and live by it. Letting someone else set a standard for our life is suicide. We can’t try to shut down, live in denial, when life is basically glorious and desiring a mutual embrace.

Family support and an accepting home environment is what we all deserve. When that isn’t available, it’s a must to seek it out elsewhere. We are all gifts of the most High, and remembering the uniqueness we bring to the world is essential and should be celebrated.

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